While continuing my study on Markham’s view of the wife and her virtues, I started noticing a few things that didn’t sit well with my soul. The still small voice was concerned. Something did not sit right. I was hoping to do a thorough comparison between Markham’s views and the Proverbs 31 wife, but that would cause this blog post to turn into a booklet and become unreadable in a short sitting. So instead I decided to dedicate a whole post to the Proverbs 31 wife. But when I got halfway through, I realised that even an in-depth study on the Proverbs 31 wife would still be far too long for a single blog post.
So I have decided to put the whole study into a booklet (which is a work in progress). But then I was faced with a dilemma. I wanted to release a new blog post on the 1st of April (2026), but I had already spent all my energy studying and writing about this topic. That is why I have decided to post the first part of the study (Proverbs 31:10) and give myself more time to complete the full study and the booklet.
A short disclaimer: I’m going to be using the New King James Version for this study. I’m not a King James purist. I find that most translations of the Bible have merit in different circumstances. I like the NLT for young believers, the NIV for general public use when you have a mix of young and old believers, and using different versions for comparison while studying God’s Word. So please go ahead and use whichever version you prefer.
It is also important to remember that the passage discusses the virtuous wife, not as a checklist that we have to achieve, but rather as a portrait of a fully cultivated character. A fully cultivated character is the result of a deliberate, lifelong process of developing stable moral and ethical virtues, such as wisdom, courage, justice, and temperance, through intentional habituation and practice. Character is something that needs to be tilled and refined, like land, to foster flourishing.
The Virtuous Wife
"Who can find a virtuous wife? For her worth is far above rubies."
By starting with this question, we can assume that a virtuous wife is rare, indicating that her worth is far above rubies. It is not simply saying she is valuable, but that she is exceptionally valuable.
I was curious as to why she was likened to rubies rather than something else, like diamonds. Well, a quick Google search informed me that finding a pure ruby is far rarer than finding a pure diamond. Therefore, the value of a pure ruby is much higher than the value of a pure diamond.
So the comparison is not random. It is intentional. A virtuous woman is not just beautiful or useful, she is rare in her purity and consistency of character.
A person who is virtuous is someone who has and shows high moral standards. But what would be considered high moral standards in the Biblical sense?
As with every verse, we can look at the surface meaning and then the deeper meaning. When it comes to the surface meaning, we could see her as having a standard of sexual purity. I’m not going to spell it out further than that. But having high moral standards is deeper than that. It is not limited to one area of life, but touches every decision, every relationship, and every habit.
High moral standards could include:
- choosing a spouse with care,
- being able to discern when discretion is called for and when it is in the best interests of everyone to speak plainly,
- encouraging the best in the people around you without making them feel judged,
- living a holy life in union with God without becoming legalistic towards those who don’t have as deep a relationship,
- cultivating good character traits as indicated by the Fruits of the Spirit (joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness, gentleness, and self-control),
- living an ethical lifestyle,
- being intentional and proactive in everything you do,
- striving for “above average”.
These things are not achieved overnight. They are built slowly, through daily choices, small decisions, and a willingness to grow.
I’m not going to comment on the lack of moral standards in the world today. You can see it by watching any popular movie or TV show released in the past 30 years. When something becomes common, it also becomes less valuable.
It is safe to say that in 2026, a virtuous wife is still a rarity and is still worth more than rubies.
In the world we live in, even a capable, but non-virtuous, wife is worth her weight in gold. I’ve seen other articles showing what it would cost to employ a woman to perform the duties of the average housewife: personal assistant, housekeeper, cook, nurse (on occasion), driver, childminder, and tutor, on call 24/7. I won’t do the math in this article, but you can imagine how the cost would add up quickly.
But capability alone is not what this verse is praising. Capability can be trained. Skills can be learned. But virtue is something deeper. It is formed over time, and it is rooted in character.
So we could say that finding a capable and loving wife is like finding a diamond, but finding a virtuous and capable wife is a rarity. And it is that combination, capability and character, that makes her truly priceless.
Summary
This section explores the opening verse of Proverbs 31, which asks, “Who can find a virtuous wife?” and immediately establishes her as rare and deeply valuable.
Rather than reducing virtue to a narrow or surface-level standard, this reflection broadens the idea into a lifelong cultivation of character. A virtuous woman is not defined by a checklist, but by a consistent pattern of wise choices, moral integrity, and a life lived in alignment with God.
In a world where both virtue and capability are increasingly uncommon, this passage reminds us that true worth is found not only in what a woman can do, but in who she becomes over time.
Key Principles and Values
- Virtue is rare and valuable, not common or easily attained
- A virtuous life is cultivated over time, not achieved instantly
- High moral standards go beyond surface behaviour and reflect deep character
- Discernment is essential: knowing when to speak and when to remain silent
- Relationships should be approached with care, intention, and wisdom
- Encouraging others should be done with kindness, not judgment
- A life with God should be deep and sincere, not legalistic or performative
- Character is shaped through the Fruits of the Spirit
- Living ethically and intentionally should guide daily decisions
- There is value in striving for a standard that is higher than average
- Capability is valuable, but virtue gives it deeper meaning and worth
Journal Questions (for the reader)
- What does “virtue” mean to me personally? Has my understanding changed over time?
- Which areas of my character feel well-developed, and which still need cultivation?
- Do I tend to focus more on outward behaviour or inward character?
- In what situations do I struggle with discernment—knowing when to speak or stay silent?
- How do I encourage others? Do my words build up or unintentionally discourage?
- Is my relationship with God growing deeper, or am I falling into routine or legalism?
- Which of the Fruits of the Spirit do I see most clearly in my life right now? Which ones need more attention?
- What does “above average” look like in my daily life, practically?
Next Action (for the reader)
You do not have to do all of these; pick as many as you can manage and whichever ones you think you need to work on the most.
- Choose one character trait (e.g. patience, kindness, self-control) to focus on this week
- Observe your words for a day: aim to speak with kindness and restraint
- Reflect before reacting in one challenging situation this week
- Spend a few quiet minutes daily with God, focusing on the relationship rather than routine
- Encourage one person intentionally, without correcting or advising
- Review your daily habits and identify one area where you can be more intentional
- Write down what “above average” looks like for you, in your home and relationships
- Revisit this passage slowly, allowing it to shape your thinking over time
Family Dinner Table Discussion and Next Actions
These family dinner table discussion questions are designed to open conversation around the dinner table with your family. Choose the questions based on your children’s ages and their level of understanding. Allow everyone at the table to contribute and answer.
Young Children (Under 5 years)
- What is something special or valuable that you love?
- What does it mean to be a “good and kind person”?
Next Action: Today, try to do one kind thing for someone in the family (help, share, or say something nice).
Children (6–10 years)
- What makes a person “good” on the inside, not just on the outside?
- Can you think of someone you know who is kind and trustworthy? What do they do?
Next Action: Choose one: tell the truth, be kind, or be helpful, even when it feels difficult.
Pre-teens (10–13 years)
- Why do you think the Bible says a virtuous person is rare and valuable?
- What is more important: what someone looks like, or how they act and treat others? Why?
Next Action: Pay attention to your choices today and pause before acting: ask, “Is this a good and right choice?”
Young Teens (13–16 years)
- What does “character” mean to you? How is it built over time?
- Why do you think it can be difficult to live with high moral standards today?
Next Action: Choose one area (speech, attitude, honesty, or self-control) and be intentional about it for the day.
Older Teens & Adult Children (16+)
- How would you define “virtue” in today’s world? Has the meaning changed?
- What kind of person do you want to become, and what habits will shape that?
Next Action: Identify one personal standard (e.g. honesty, discipline, kindness) and commit to practising it consciously this week.
